Reflections on 2023
2023, a year of the highest highs and lowest lows.
The first year of having the comfort of the routine of a 9-5 job and my body no longer being in a constant state of anxiety. The year I learned I have ADHD and started life-changing medication. The first year of no academic pressure and learning who I am outside of academia, something which has always defined much of my identity. The year of falling in love with books and reading properly again. The year of the happiest months of my life, and the saddest. The year of discovering so much about myself, of learning to manage situations I never could have before, of navigating the pain of grief but of feeling so grateful to be surrounded by love.
January to August were some of the happiest, least anxious months of my life (though of course with intermittent days of overwhelm and anxiety!). I started to accept that life wouldn’t always be dominated by anxiety. I started to work on my own thought processes and my mindset. I devoured meditations and podcasts. I developed both professionally and personally. Then I lost Coco in October and it felt like my world had gone dark and the progress had gone. I’ve lost people in my life before, but the pain I felt losing him was incomparable. My OCD got worse. When the ADHD medication shortages affected me in December, I felt depression appearing again.
Don’t judge yourself and your year by comparing it to other people’s highlight reels on social media. Life is messy, complicated and anxiety provoking at times. When you’re neurodivergent, life’s emotions can feel so intense and ever-changing. Your year is not defined by one thing.
I hope that you can reflect on the joys of 2023 and leave some of the pain you encountered this year behind.
2024 is going to be a busy one for me. I feel fragile, but hopeful. I am sad to be entering a year without Coco, but grateful I am looking forward to the year ahead rather than dreading it. I am excited for my book release, for trips away and for seeing Taylor Swift.
Thank you so much for following along and for all of the support throughout the year. It means the world to me.
Happy New Year!
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