Visible Autistic Traits That I Had as a Child
It wasn’t obvious that I was autistic when I was a child. As a result, I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 16, after years of severe mental health problems.
Here are some of the signs of me being autistic which may have been somewhat visible to others:
I was exceptionally obedient. I wasn’t just a well behaved child. I was extremely well behaved. I did everything exactly as I was told, all the time, even when this caused me stress, anxiety, or even pain.
My perfectionism. From a very young age I was obsessed with making sure everything I did was perfect. I wanted 100% in tests. I couldn’t cope with the idea of something not being perfect. This resulted in me revising obsessively and redoing homework multiple times.
The intensity with which I liked to read. I read non-stop all the time. Sometimes I read three full novels a day. Reading was my escape, something to focus on when the world around me was too much. I read obsessively.
My intense interests. I wrote books and couldn’t focus on anything else but the book I was writing. I wrote a 100,000 word novel in 5 days. I watched Harry Potter over and over again, read all about the making of it, pretended to be like Hermione Granger, learned as much as I could about the wizarding world and acted it all out.
My inability to regulate the volume of my voice and know when my turn was to speak in conversation. I was always told that I was talking too loud. I was constantly told to “use your indoor voice”. At school I was the loud one. I can still struggle to regulate the volume of my voice now.
I often interrupted people, because I didn’t know when my turn to speak was. I didn’t get the normal social cues everyone else appeared to get in conversations.
Taking things literally. This wasn’t always super obvious though. For example, my primary school teacher telling me to ‘write as much as you can’ would result in me writing 20 pages while the rest of the class wrote 2.
My hatred of swimming. I hated it. I hated the feeling of being wet. I struggled to regulate the temperature changes. I hated the feeling of the changing rooms. Swimming was a sensory nightmare, to the point I faked being sick to get out of a school swimming lesson.
My difficulty wearing certain materials such as tights. I was allowed to wear leggings instead of tights at school because tights would bring my legs out in rashes and it would be so uncomfortable and itchy that I wouldn’t be able to sit still.
My difficulty regulating temperature would leave me with red hot feet at night, which were then itchy and irritable. The only thing that helped this was bathing in ice cold water and putting cooling gel on my feet. This continued every night in the middle of the night for years.
I struggled to understand sarcasm. My friends used to laugh at me for not understanding it. My family used to be surprised that for ‘someone so clever’, I didn’t understand normal jokes or sarcasm.
From around year 3 I struggled to fall asleep at night because I was constantly overthinking everything. I hated night-time because of this and struggled at sleepovers.
I was bullied at primary school. I always felt left out and felt like other kids didn’t like me. I was told I was many things and made to feel insecure and anxious on a daily basis by kids at school.
I was very intolerant of certain noises, which I call ‘annoying noises’. For example, people sniffing and my brother making noises were two which really agitated me when I was younger. I was often told that I needed to be more patient and tolerant.
This list simply shows some of the things which may have been obvious to others when I was young. None of these things on their own indicates autism. My autism is all of these things put together, plus all the internal stuff, the way my brain works and the less obvious autistic traits.
All my love, Em x