Do Any Autistic Children Get Through School Untraumatised?

I don’t think any autistic children get through school untraumatised, and that makes me so incredibly sad.

Autistic children are much more likely to be bullied than non-autistic children. In-fact, I don’t think there are many autistic people who weren’t bullied at some stage. Other kids can tell we’re different, and that makes us a target for bullying. We learn pretty quickly that we stand out, and we learn that this is a bad thing. So, we spend every minute of the school day trying our absolute hardest to copy the other children in order to fit in. Imagine how exhausting this is. We monitor our every movement, every facial expression, every word, every minuscule action. Or we try to. But we are laughed at anyway. We learn that the very core of who we are is wrong in the eyes of the other kids. So we begin to hate ourselves.

Of course, this isn’t the case for all autistic children. If they aren’t traumatised by the other kids, maybe it’s the teachers. Many of us are told we need to act a certain way by our teachers. Some of us are even laughed at by our teachers. The ones who are meant to protect us.

Otherwise, it’s the environment. The noise. The chaos. The blinding lights. The lack of control of the sensory environment. The uniform.

Imagine being forced into an environment which makes you want to rip your skin off every single day for fifteen years.

Imagine then being told over and over again by those caring for you that you’re just being over-dramatic. That you just need to deal with it. But meanwhile, the noise of the classroom is physically painful to your ears.

You learn that you have to withstand this pain.

You learn that it’s okay for you to be in physical pain. And emotional pain.

You learn that other people say you have to just withstand this.

You learn to stop speaking up when things are hard.

You learn that your needs don’t matter.

Autistic teenagers are much more likely to be taken advantage of and manipulated, including sexually. This can lead to all sorts of trauma when an autistic young person finds themselves trapped in a situation and forced into something that they feel unable to say no to.

Think of the meltdowns that this environment and these experiences can lead to. Meltdowns which are physically exhausting, can be embarrassing and emotionally painful.

Think of being forced back into the same environment day after day which triggers these horrific meltdowns.

Then think of the fact that many autistic children have to be physically restrained during these meltdowns. Whether it’s necessary or not, this can be traumatising. Especially when being forced back into the same setting over and over again.

The mental health issues that schools can trigger in autistic kids are vast. The pressure of exams, grades and deadlines, the feelings of inadequacy and social isolation, the constant anxiety…this can lead to severe mental health problems, which can cause more trauma in itself.

Many autistic people I have spoken to (myself included) ran away from school at one stage or another for different reasons. This can lead to police intervention, which can be a pretty terrifying experience to go through. (You can read my experience of what school was like for me here).

You might think that believing no autistic child goes through school untraumatised is pretty pessimistic and a bleak view to have. And it probably is. There probably are autistic kids whose school experience was wonderful, I just haven’t chatted to them myself yet. And I do have more hope for the current cohort of autistic school children.

But, I still think that the environment itself is an incredibly difficult one for most autistic children. Sure, the structure can really benefit them. Some schools are amazingly inclusive, celebrate differences and are working on their sensory environments. And a lot of autistic kids do really enjoy school. Especially when they are supported, included and loved by their peer group. But things will still be more difficult for them than their non-autistic peers. Unfortunately society is not built for us autistic people.

We must work on making our schools as autism-friendly as we can. We must work on making the sensory environment as bearable as possible. This starts with making sure uniforms are comfortable, and implementing reasonable adjustments wherever we can (see my blog post on reasonable adjustments here). This includes making sure classrooms are not overstimulating just from the amount of colour on the walls. This includes teaching other children about autism and disabilities, and welcoming differences in general.

Understanding must also come from the school staff. This includes understanding autistic bluntness, differences in socialising not necessarily being ‘rude’ and an autistic child’s need to understand what they are doing, without being told they need to “just get on with it”.

Autistic children deserve the chance to thrive, and I hope our generation can be a part of making that the case.