What Not To Say To An Autistic Person
“Everyone is a little bit autistic”.
This isn’t true. Someone is either born with an autistic brain or they’re not. Some non-autistic people may have one or two autistic traits, but the difference is the number of autistic traits they have and the intensity of these.
“You don’t look autistic though.”
Funnily enough, autism doesn’t have a ‘look’. You can’t tell if someone is autistic or not by looking at them, or even by talking to them. This so-called ‘look’ is based on stereotypes. Every autistic person presents differently.
“You’re only very mildly autistic though, right?”
This is invalidating to the autistic person and is a comment on how the presence of the autistic person affects those around them. Just because you can’t SEE how someone is struggling, doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling.
“Oh no, I’m sorry to hear that.”
Being autistic isn’t a bad thing. There is no need to offer someone your condolences when they tell you they are a different neurotype to you. Would I say that I’m sorry to hear you are neurotypical? Of course not. Different does not mean less.
“Everyone struggles with [insert thing autistic person is struggling with]. Just deal with it.”
Not everyone struggles with the same thing as often and to the same intensity. If they do, maybe they too need support. But not everyone has involuntary meltdowns in response to certain stimuli.
“You shouldn’t get special treatment”.
It’s not about ‘special treatment’. This sort of a comment is used to deny autistic people the accommodations they need to be able to engage with society and access the same opportunities as others. Equality is not the same as equity.
“Are you high or low functioning?”
These labels are harmful. ‘High functioning’ is used to deny much needed support and ignore someone’s difficulties. ‘Low functioning’ is used to deny the autonomy and ability of the person. Try using ‘high or low support needs’ instead.
“Everyone has a label these days.”
And? I wouldn’t be diagnosed with autism if I wasn’t autistic. Perhaps we are getting better at recognising ASD/ADHD, etc, and mental illnesses. If someone is happy to have a label, this isn’t a bad thing. It can enable understanding and support.
“But my cousin is autistic and you’re nothing like them”.
Autistic people are not clones of each other. Non-autistic people are not all the same. It’s the same with autistic people. Every autistic person presents differently and has different interests and difficulties.
“Don’t you mean that you have autism, not you’re autistic? Don’t reduce your identity to autism.”
Okay, so I can no longer sat “I’m Christian” or “I’m right-handed?” Is that reducing my identity? Of course not. This relies on the belief that autism is a bad thing. It isn’t. I am not reducing myself to anything because there is nothing wrong with being autistic, just like there is nothing wrong with being right-handed. I should not have to use person-first language to remind you that I am a person too.