What I Mean When I Say That “I Can’t Cope With Life” As An Autistic Person

“I can’t cope with life”.

My existence and the world just seem incompatible with each other. There are constant barriers every day that I can’t seem to overcome. The world itself just doesn’t seem like it’s made for me.

There are societal expectations that I can’t seem to get to grips with. Unwritten social rules which everyone else just appear to automatically know and understand. It’s like everyone got a manual about navigating the world and I missed out on it.

Things get overwhelming very quickly. We all have a point at which things get too much. My point seems to be a lot lower than everyone else’s. My brain struggles to process multiple pieces of information at once. If too many things are happening, it shuts down.

I am constantly exhausted. One social interaction can knock me out for days. Yet then I am expected to carry on day after day as if my brain is not struggling to process and interpret information around me which appears incompatible with my brain.

The anxiety is never-ending. The noise. The socialising. The making sure that I am presenting myself in a socially acceptable way so I will not be deemed to be ‘rude’ if I forget for one second that I need to make sure my facial expression is correct.

People like to change things last-minute. They like to tell me to do something but without giving me the instructions that my brain requires to complete the task. I am expected to navigate these situations calmly. If I am not having a physical meltdown, I am having one internally.

I am constantly being told that being autistic is a bad thing by the world. Only a look on social media is enough for me to see that people don’t value my existence. Let alone witnessing ‘you’re so autistic’ being used as an insult in public.

I always feel misunderstood. It’s like I am wading across a lake which goes on for forever. I can see people at the other side of the lake. I try to wave and get closer to them. But the more steps I take, the further they move away. I can’t reach them. They understand each other. I am left out.

The prospect of having to cope with all this until I die is a lot. I often want to give up. It’s like the concepts of this world and me being in it are at war with each other and I’m fighting just to keep my feet rooted on the ground. So I say that ‘I can’t cope with life’.